The Exodus Read online

  His frown deepened. “You should have told me you weren’t feeling well.”

  She squinted up at him, his face blurry from the pounding that started in her head. “I’m sorry. I just wanted to go with you today. And you seemed so excited all week…” Nivian trailed off.

  “Nivi, I would have been happy sitting on the balcony with you, doing nothing. I care about you, not going places.”

  “I know—” Her response was cut off as a blinding pain shot through her skull. Nivian cried out and felt her legs give out. It was as though all her power and energy were being sucked out of her in a flash. Everything went dark and she waited to hit the pavement. But the impact never came. Instead, she felt herself pressed against Kain’s chest, his voice unintelligible and distant.

  Then silence.

  Nivian blinked up at the white ceiling above her. Slow, deep breathing to her right captured her attention. She let her head fall to the side, her muscles protesting with an unnatural ache at the movement.

  Kain sat next to the bed, elbows resting on his knees as he clasped his hands, head bowed as if he’d been waiting for a long time.

  She was in Kain’s home, in his bed. Her mind was fuzzy as she tried to recall how she ended up there. Hadn’t they just been… where was it again?

  Trying to will away the last of the throbbing pain that thrummed in her skull, Nivian watched him. The set of a deep frown had worry written across his face.

  She must have unwittingly made a noise because he looked up. His frown deepened.

  “What happened?” asked Nivian. Her voice was hoarse and her throat felt raw. The two words caused more pain than she’d expected.

  “You fainted,” he said, his mouth drawn in a tight line.

  Nivian pushed herself up on weak arms. In a blink, Kain was by her side assisting her, propping her up with pillows. She studied him, surprised by his sudden movements. Kain drew his hands away and met her eyes, the same expression from earlier back on his face.

  Still worried.

  Wracked with guilt over how her stubborn streak affected him, Nivian realized she had to apologize. She slid her hand across the surface of the bed and reached out for his. Kain understood, as he always seemed to, and sat down next to her. He opened his mouth to speak but Nivian interrupted, wanting to get what she needed to say out first, not willing to allow time for anything else to prevent what she should have said days ago.

  “That’s weird,” she said not knowing how to start. She had no idea what happened, and no idea what she could say to explain it.

  “Weird? Nivi,” he said harshly. Anger or annoyance giving bite to his words. “Something was wrong the whole time. I could tell, but you sat there and lied to me about it. We need to be able to trust each other. Or else…” he trailed off, and gestured, palms up. “Or else, what are we doing?”

  “I’m sorry. I should have told you I wasn’t feeling like myself.”

  Kain closed his mouth, his eyes searching her face as he took in her hurried words. He scrubbed his face with both hands and stood up to pace the room. “Yes, you should have.” His voice had a hard edge to it.

  Nivian looked down at her hands. Her fingers twisted and untwisted the edge of the blanket.

  “I don’t want to put you in danger, Nivi. If something would have happened to you, I never would have forgiven myself. You need to be honest with me.”

  “I’m sorry,” she said again. “Whatever this is, it’s new to me. I’ve never felt anything but well. It’s hard to admit that I have a weakness, even to myself. I never meant to worry you.”

  His expression softened. He dropped his hands to his sides and walked over to her, taking a seat on the edge of the bed. “It’s one thing to be unsure, but you can’t keep taking chances like that. I hate to push you, but I care about you so I will worry.” He ran his hand over the back of her head.

  “I don’t know what’s happening to me, Kain,” she admitted honestly.

  “I’m drawn to you in a way I can’t even begin to explain. I have been since the first time we spoke. This need to be near you has only grown stronger. It scares me a little.” He paused and let out a soft depreciating chuckle. “I can only hope it’s mutual.”

  His words rang true to her ears and when she looked within herself, she found that she felt the same pull toward him. It had been a factor, unbeknownst to both of them, that caused them to keep making choices that would allow them to stay together rather than go their own ways—rather than deciding on the safest course of action. The epiphany of the moment bringing forward the knowledge she’d carried with her since the moment she laid eyes on him—the unexplainable need to be near him was about more than who he was.

  When she didn’t speak, he withdrew his hand, resting it on his lap and angling himself away as if he didn’t want to touch her. “It’s my fault, isn’t it?” he asked, his voice soft and uncertain.

  “No, why would you even think that?” Nivian leaned forward grasping his hands, surprised by the barely contained panic that tinted her words.

  “You told me you had dreams after we first met… that your memories had started coming back. What if being around me is destroying you? Is it possible that I’m killing the Reaper part of you? ”

  Nivian’s mouth dropped open; that thought had never occurred to her. But what if it were true? No, there had to be another explanation for what was happening to her.

  “No.” She refused to accept that as a possibility.

  He turned sharply to face her, sorrow replacing the worry and frustration that had been on his face moments before. “No?” he asked with a raised eyebrow.

  “I don’t think it’s that at all. It can’t be. It’s something else entirely.”

  Kain sighed. “Try to be more aware of yourself. Promise me that if this happens again, you will tell me.”

  “I’ll try.” Against her will, she felt her eyes fill with tears and she reached out, throwing her arms around his neck. Kain stiffened then relaxed, returning the embrace. The implications of his being the cause would mean she’d have to avoid him. That was something she couldn’t do. She needed his presence in her life, for reasons she still didn’t understand. The idea that she might lose that squeezed painfully at her heart.

  “It’s okay Nivi,” he murmured into the crook between her neck and shoulder.

  “I just really wanted to go on that date with you,” she muttered into his shoulder. Feeling him shake with light laughter, she pulled away. “What?”

  “You spent all that time saying it was a bad idea and you wanted to go?” he pointed out her faulty logic but his words were kind and teasing.

  “Just because I thought it was a bad idea, doesn’t mean I didn’t want to.” She smiled.

  SEVEN

  CASPIAN

  A SOFT KNOCK pulled Caspian’s attention away from the swirling words forming on the pages of the Tome of Fate. An unnatural shift had happened but it was unlike any he’d felt before. He would have to take preventative measures soon to avoid the need for a mass reaping. Looking up, he saw Nivian poked her head through the opening between the large wooden doors, looking uncertain. The sight of her face brought a warmth to his chest and he pushed aside thoughts of the shift.

  “Caspian, may I come in?” she asked hesitantly.

  “Yes, of course, please do, Nivian.” He waved her in and closed the leather cover. “What can I do for you?”

  The corners of his mouth lifted up into a tight smile. He was glad to see her, as always, but he hadn’t expected her to stop by until he summoned her next. She was still slightly weakened from giving him so much of her power a few months back and even if she didn’t agree, overworking her would only put her at greater risk. Doing so for the sake of an assignment was out of the question. She’d been given easy marks with plenty of rest in between since the fight, and Caspian planned on keeping it that way until there couldn’t be any doubt of her strength.

  “I was just wondering if you had a new assignm
ent ready for me yet? It’s been a few days, and I haven’t had many in the past few weeks.”

  “No.” He stood and walked around his desk to greet her. “Nivi, you are still not fully recovered. Tell me, have you had any issues with your strength recently?” he asked, able to feel the wavering of her normally strong power.

  “Well, I…” she started as she wrung her fingers—a telltale sign of her nerves, “I was out yesterday with Kain and I—I—” Nivian averted her eyes from him and he could have sworn she had a slight stain develop across her face as she bit down on her lip. “I fainted.” Her voice was breathless and rushed.

  His eyes darkened at her admission. It was worse than he had thought. She was much too weak, even after the time she’d had to regain her power. There was something amiss. He would speak to Silas about it.

  “Fainted?” Fainting was not typical, even of a weakened Reaper. As much as he would love to blame the cause of it being the Hunter’s proximity, she’d only become stronger in his presence.

  “I don’t understand.” She looked up at him with watery eyes. “Am I broken?” she asked, her voice cracking on the last word.

  “No, Nivi, you are not broken. You are just recovering.” He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her to his chest. “You are special, Nivian, never forget that. So with you, everything will be different, but it is those differences that make you stronger,” he spoke into her hair. After a few moments, she relaxed against him and her shoulders shook as she cried silently into his chest. Caspian stood silently holding her and rubbing his hand along her spine, letting her get out the stress and fears he knew she had been keeping to herself for too long.

  Once she exhausted herself, Nivian pulled away and wiped her reddened eyes with the back of her hand.

  “Nivi, you must be more careful. Go rest, I will have an assignment for you soon.” Caspian said as he cupped her cheek and brought her downcast gaze to meet his.

  “Okay,” she said shuffling her feet as she turned to go, then stopped and slowly faced him again. “Caspian?” she asked.

  “Yes?”

  “I wanted to ask if you knew why—that is—I wanted to know if you could help me with something?”

  “Nivi, for you, I will do my best.” His heart warmed at the fact that she needed him still. Their paths ran along, side by side, since the day they met, never touching, but never veering away from the other. Recently, things had changed, causing their paths to connect, cross, and pull away. And while he had found joy in the crossing, the distance it also caused filled him with sorrow and regret.

  “I—”

  Sensing her nervousness, Caspian motioned for her to have a seat in the dark leather chair in front of his desk. The brief pause seemed to allow her to gather her words.

  “I still can’t remember anything from before.” Her eyes dropped and she pressed her mouth in a tight line to stop the trembling. “I don’t understand why I can’t. I keep trying to, but nothing you’ve told me has brought any memories back. It just feels like a story about someone else. And…” she faltered. “And I’m beginning to worry that they are gone forever. I don’t know who I am… It’s like there’s a void, and no matter how hard I try, I can’t remember anything. I need you to help me get them back.”

  Her gaze was heavy with tears once more as the loss of her memories haunted her from behind her eyes. There was no reason he could think of that would explain why her memories still evaded her. It might have been a mental block, or perhaps Silas had done a better job of blocking them then he’d assumed. Perhaps memories of death were stronger and more lasting then memories of a life taken for granted.

  “Nivi,” Caspian knelt down on one knee. “Please, do not cry.” He wiped at a tear that escaped one of her ice-blue eyes, rolling down her cheek.

  “There has to be something,” she pleaded in a voice that damn near broke him.

  “Nivi, you know I would not hesitate to restore them if I had the power. I am loathe to admit that I do not. If anyone does, it is Silas, and Silas alone.” He averted his gaze, his eyes clouding at the mention of the older Reaper. He had stopped himself from saying too much to her just in time.

  “Do you think—”

  Caspian held up a hand to stop her. “No, I do not think he would be able to. By all accounts, if those memories still existed then they should have returned shortly after you remembered your death.” He paused not wanting to say the next words. She needed to hear them or remain far too long wanting, and trying to grasp as ghosts. “There is a chance that the process of becoming a Reaper was too much for your mind and they were destroyed.”

  He hated watching the hope drain from her bright face. But in truth, he had no idea if Silas had the ability to restore her memories, and if he did have the power, his willingness to do so was questionable. Whatever the reason, Caspian would not give her false hope. It would be too cruel, and he owed her something much better than that.

  Nivian was silent for a long moment before she lifted her chin, her face a stony, unreadable mask. “So there’s no chance of me remembering anything at all.”

  His heart broke at the resignation in her voice. “I do not know, Nivi. You are the only Reaper to have been mortal at one time. I do not have experience in this area. Only time will tell. Perhaps you should continue to spend time with the Hunter. His presence brought memories back once, there is a possibility it will happen again.”

  “I see,” Nivian said, dropping her head. “Thank you Caspian.” She sighed and pushed up from the chair, and though he wanted to comfort her, he didn’t stop her as she turned, walking sullenly to the door until her hand reached for the knob.

  “Nivian?” Caspian called after her. Not wanting her to leave on such a sour note. He grasped at straws, racking his brain for anything to say. “I do have an assignment if you want it. It’s not the usual and won’t be for several days yet. However, I cannot think of another Reaper more qualified than you.” The words rushed past his lips before he could stop himself.

  Her face beamed. “What kind of an assignment?” she asked.

  “Please, do not get too excited,” he warned. “This is not a reaping.”

  Her smile faded and lines creased her forehead in confusion. “What other kind of assignment is there?”

  “I need you to train a new Silencer.”

  Her jaw dropped. “A new Silencer?” she echoed.

  “He has been around for quite some time. Though, recently through hard work and dedication he has earned a promotion from Timeless. The responsibilities are much greater and he will need the guidance of an excellent Reaper to ensure his success.”

  “But I thought…” her voice trailed off.

  “Camira is gone. I have not felt her energy signature since that day. I know she was your friend and that she would have been next in line for the promotion, but I fear the worst has happened.”

  Shock resonated on Nivian’s face. Instant realization flooded him. She had not known. Caspian cursed himself for bringing up yet another topic that hurt her. Guilt crushed him. It was unlike him to speak so carelessly.

  “I am sorry to tell you in such a harsh manner. It was insensitive of me. I had assumed you’d been told she was missing.”

  Nivian inhaled a shaky breath. “No, but… it’s okay. I was just surprised. I thought I would have felt her loss.”

  “As did I, but there has been no trace of her.” He crossed the room and stood before her. Reaching up, Caspian stroked her hair, pushing a silken tendril behind her ear. Silence enveloped them like a thick blanket as he waited for her to process everything. Their meeting had been brief, but there had been much for her to take in.

  After a long moment, she looked up and squared her shoulders. “I am ready for my assignment,” she said.

  “Ah,” Caspian stepped back creating space between them. “Thank you for doing this for me. I will call you when I am ready. His first assignment is slightly unconventional.”

  “What is it?”
/>
  He arched an eyebrow. “You know that assignments cannot be given before their time. You must wait. I shall call for you soon. Be ready.”

  Nivian gave a curt nod and walked to the doorway, pausing in the frame. “Thank you, Caspian,” Nivian spoke softly, but with a world of meaning in her words. She exited the room, her long silvery hair billowing out behind her.

  Caspian let out a deep sigh as he crossed back to his desk, and sat heavily in his chair. He scrubbed his face with his hands.

  He needed to speak with Silas. Though as of late, he had been harder and harder to track down by the day, disappearing for long stretches of time. It was a mystery as to what he could be doing, though Caspian had a suspicion as to why, but… Was it possible? He clenched and unclenched his fist.

  He was beginning to feel the added strain of taking on part of Silas’s work. It wasn’t difficult as much as it just required a higher level of power than he was currently equipped to use for extended periods of time.

  It had been almost a week since he’d last seen Silas, and they had not had more than a few moments to speak since the day the ancient had defeated the crazed Guardian of Life. Caspian knew of Silas’s feelings for Yeva and he had given him time to mourn, but it did not explain, or excuse, his absence. Something was amiss behind the scenes and he hated not being privy to it. It reminded him too closely of the days before the Dissension. A time he did not want to relive again.

  For Silas to stay away from his duties this long was out of character, regardless of what happened. While there was never a high demand to call upon him, Silas had always kept involved. Caspian had not given a report in far longer than customary.

  An unease settled over him like a chill running down his spine.